Why Black Women Can’t Find Good Black Men
By Mybrotha.COM Staff Writer
It still amazes some men to hear Black women say that they can’t find good, quality Black men for companionship. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the ratio of women to men in the U.S. is about 145 million women to roughly 139 million men. In more manageable terms — for every 100 sistas, there are about 87 brothas.
Not too bad.
But according to Black women, the best of Black men are either hidden deeply within those 87, or have somehow disappeared within that missing 13. If these men are not physically hidden or totally out of the relationship picture — where are they?
The answer: They’re right here. They’re over there. They’re everywhere!
These sentiments are spoken loudly by the thousands of available Black men who find it illogical to simply state “No good men exist.” Many Black men don’t understand the social reasoning behind the female belief that there is a Black male shortage. To men, it appears that women have become so enthralled with the notion of there being a shortage — many don’t take the time to notice the Black men who are available. It is here that we begin to explore the depths of the problem.
Women aren’t looking for just any guy. They seek men of quality, good character, and substance — which has nothing to do with numbers. Since guys are supposed to be more logical creatures, we tend to crunch numbers. We also tend to take a more tangible position by believing that if they can hear us, touch us, and see us — how can they say there aren’t enough of us?
But ask any woman — she will likely tell you that plenty of brothas exist, but not many with whom she would want to spend quality time.
Also, there is an argument from Black women who believe that there are specific reasons for the shortages. For instance, the numbers of Black men residing in prisons, and the many Black men who choose to date women of other races.
Going back to our 100-Women to 87-Men ratio, the following stats my shed some light on where Black women say the available Black men are hiding:
Chances are, Black men who desire White females today, desired them yesterday and will probably desire them for the foreseeable future. We cannot assume that a Black man dates Black women his entire life; has a bad experience; and as a result, decides to explore life with a White female.
We’re not hating on White women, but how much of the 87 should we subtract? Let’s choose a medium-sized number like 20 to denote the total unavailable to Black women.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of Black men serving time in local, state and federal prisons. But women must ask themselves, “Why would I want a man who commits crimes serious enough to land him behind bars?”
Don’t get me wrong. We still love our imprisoned brothas, and some of them have been incarcerated unjustly.
But this issue is relative and depends on each woman’s definition of, “good brotha”. If women desire men of integrity and great moral fiber, then we should subtract another medium-sized number (20) from the group of 87. This accounts for the sad numbers of brothas who just aren’t living right and don’t deserve a spot in society.
Men who are homosexual, bisexual, or live outside of what society calls, “heterosexual” — make up another medium-sized number since they don’t typically seek relationships with women. Strangely enough, there are some bisexual men who also desire to be in heterosexual relationships. However, most heterosexual women don’t knowingly choose to date a bisexual man.
So again, we subtract (20) from the group of 87 to account for gay men, and other men who aren’t considered “straight”.
Now we have the Big Three. According to Black women and many within the Black community, these three situations create a wedge that has been driven between Black women and available “good” Black men.
But what does it all mean?
It means that in reality, only 87 – 60 = 27 available Black men are actually, “available” for the 100 Black women in our Census stats. This is, of course, assuming there are 100 available, good Black women out there.
If we assume there are, then the ratio reveals some pretty low numbers.
Now, the task for our sistas is to locate one of the 27 men who is considered, “good”.